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Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

Please be aware there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site. I prefer to lie back — but how do I square this with my beliefs?

By lorelei james

If someone chooses to assume a submissive erotic position, that is an agreement that he or she could withdraw at any time. If I get on top or have too much control, I am unable to get out of my head and I feel stressed. Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure discussion remains on topics raised by the writer.

She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.

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But while these facts may help you to consider physical submission more ethically palatable, in general, erotic connections are heightened when taboos are broken … including what might be considered a feminist no-no. Consensual sex requires that both partners give permission for what occurs, whether they take on a more passive or a dominant role at any given moment.

Can I be a feminist while being submissive during sex? Thu 19 Aug Reuse this content. However, my personality and moral side finds this conflictingas outside the bedroom I am a feminist and agree that women have for too long been taught to submit to their man and forget their own needs.

How can I feel as if I am in control without being dominant in the bedroom? Sexual healing Sex. Can I be submissive in the bedroom and still be a feminist? Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly. I have been with my partner for almost six years and, for the most part, have enjoyed our sex. This has caused confusion in my understanding of the way I enjoy sex.

If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private. So, in fact, the submissive partner is actually the moral controller; if that person wishes to gain physical dominance, he or she must first be sure that permission for that is fully granted by the partner.